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 You may wonder… who am I to
say that you can love your dog better? Your love is pure enough, strong
enough and lovely enough to stand on its own! Right! Perhaps?
If you are over the age of ten then you have
undoubtedly come into contact with someone who has a poisoned heart.
What is a poisoned heart? A poisoned heart is a driving force that keeps
an unhappy person close to the people who cause unhappiness. Take for
example the good housewife that lives with a cheating husband, or a
teenager that is forever berated by his wicked stepmother. In both cases
the victims of emotional abuse have their hearts poisoned by people who
they love, and because their love is so strong they cannot remove
themselves from situations that cause them so much pain.
Love can be a dangerous thing, because once we have fallen into it, love
can become a chain that locks us into the darkest areas of human
existence. No where is this more true than when dealing with those who
suffer the dreaded curse of falling in love too fast. Oh yes, we have
all seen the heart shattered teenager, the girl who thought that her
high school pretty boy would be the love of her life. “He loves me mom,
and I love him!” She argues as her parents warn her not to get too
serious. Then, eight days later, young Tina refuses to come out of her
room and she wants to die. Why? She found out that her pretty boy was
really a hound dog.
Overall, most healthy people outgrow the need,
or ability, to fall in love overnight. As we mature we become more
cautious, less fool-hearted and happier as the result. When
dealing with creatures of our own kind we learn to protect our emotional
selves. We still jump off diving boards, but we dip our toes in first to
test the water’s temperature.
Then, oh no, here we go again. Out of nowhere we quickly fall in love.
Did we not learn anything from our past broken hearts? Did
we not suffer enough when we were younger? Did we not learn to take it
slow? No, not at all! Because the first time we get a get a good whiff
of a puppy’s breath, look out! All emotional safeguards come crumbling
down and we quickly fall in love, assuming, without pause, that all of
the love we give will be unconditionally returned in full. And in some
cases when we fall for a puppy, the puppy in turn falls for us. But in
much the same way that human relationships go down in flames, so too do
puppies and people often swap rings long before they are ready to take
their vows.
However cute and wonderful your puppy may seem, it is important to
recognize that your new love is a stranger. You know no more
about your puppy then you know what Prince Charles is thinking when
he closes his eyes at night. Your puppy may be aggressive, it may be
shy, it may be hyper, dumb or super intelligent, but the fact
remains that it is a stranger, and if you wish to build a wonderful
relationship with your new dog you should learn to love it
intelligently.
The problem with falling in love too fast is that once we are in
love we are less likely to stop our loved ones from treating us
badly. When you are in love you also have a fear of losing that
love. In the embrace of this fear we allow our loved ones to do and
say things that we would never accept from anyone else. When we fall
in love slowly we do so in a way that allows us to make our personal
boundaries known to the person we are developing feelings for. Sure
your new boyfriend is cute, he looks like a pop star, but if he
calls you fat (before you fall in love), you are far more likely to
correct his brazen behavior by telling him how you feel. While there
are aspects of love that are very freeing, other aspects of love are
surprisingly restricting. The fear of losing love and suffering a
broken heart often authors our own silence and slow degradation.
When dealing with young puppies it is not uncommon for people to
fall in love overnight. I have seen people suffer terrible emotional
grief when their puppies become ill, even though they have only
owned the pup for a short number of days. This is not to suggest
that we should not care about our dogs, of course we should,
however, imagine a woman that becomes heartbroken after a man fails
to call her after their first date. Upset, I understand. But
heartbroken? When we consider how unhealthy we can act when
dealing with each other, why is the same unhealthy behavior excused
when it is directed towards a puppy?
To be clear, I am talking about withholding love without suspending
care. We should care for our puppies the moment they enter our
lives, and that care should be noble, thorough and unconditional. I
call this the “Care Full” stage of dog ownership. Here, the goal is
to look after the puppy as if you had just introduced a new animal
into your home. Stop acting like you have just been reunited with
your long lost soul mate, you haven’t.
When puppy owners choose to act like teenagers in love they
unwittingly give their puppies far more liberties then the puppy has
earned. Sound familiar, once you love someone you let them into
deeper areas of your private life. What a mistake this can be should
your ‘new love’ turn out to be a rat! Oh no, talk about regret.
Although I believe that all dogs should eventually be treated like
family members, we must be realistic. For heaven sakes, we do not
even treat new people like family until we have known them for a
considerable about of time. In the end, the best way to love your
puppy better, is to love it intelligently. If you have simply fallen
in love overnight you may be creating a disastrous situation for you
and your puppy. Love is blind, and once you are in it you will be
far less likely to see how your puppy is really developing. You may
fail to see growing problems and you may simply and easily excuse
every rotten thing your puppy does. And yes, puppies can do rotten
things!
Our advice, treat your puppy like a good new friend. Care for it as
best you can, but do not give it all the liberties you would give to
a trusted family member. At least, not yet. Let your puppy earn its
freedoms slowly and you will end up with a dog you will love for
years to come.
Oh, by the way, you do not let your new friend sleep with you
immediately. We have names for people who do that, (wink, wink).
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